It used to be so easy. To be a good dad was to be a good breadwinner, to be a good mom was to be a good caregiver. Fathers ruled at work, mothers ruled at home. Today, we have a choice. Mothers can also be breadwinners, and fathers can also be caregivers. Yet, fathers still rule at work, and mothers still rule at home. Is there simply not enough time to have it all?
Gender has become the go-to explanation to justify how we spend our time. But a closer look at how our parents spent their time reveals the true reason for our choices: Today's working mom spends as much time with her kids as a stay-at-home mom did in the sixties. And today's working dad spends as much time at work as a career dad did in the sixties. Why would we increase the burden instead of sharing it?
Guilt is the true driver behind our choices. Guilt has turned both, home and workplace, into cultures of over-delivery. The good news, however, is that guilt is man-made and can be overcome: We only feel guilty if the majority around us perceives us going against the standard. If a minority does the same, we couldn’t care less. Today, working moms are the minority at work, and working dads are the minority at home. The moment working moms and working dads decide to join forces, working parents will be the majority.
A process philosophy that has been developed many years ago in Japan, and since has conquered the world, provides a powerful tool to get out of the guilt trap. TOM & SHERRY spells out the process philosophy and makes it applicable to our daily lives, allowing us to finally be the parents we always wanted to be.